Becky with the Good Hair? B*TCH PLEASE
The self-hate narrative around black hair is TIRED, quit trying to gaslight the girls and wrap it up now.
When it comes to type 4 hair, I’m convinced society is trying to gaslight Black women into self-hatred. In a world where Black hair has always been political and profitable, who does the self-hate narrative really benefit? Because it ain’t us, and it’s tired.
Of course, the pressure to have straight hair doesn’t only exist within the Black community. Did you know that 60 to 70 percent of the world’s population likely has naturally textured hair? Over the past decade, there’s been a rise in women celebrating their natural curl patterns, which is amazing. However, many licensed hairstylists still aren’t taught about textured hair in beauty school and have to seek additional education just to become familiar with it.
The curly hair community has taken to social media to educate themselves and others, which has helped many people embrace their texture and feel more confident. Yet for Black women on TikTok, type 4 hair has become an “if you know, you know” topic, completely left out of the “curly hair” search category. With TikTok’s massive young audience, it’s disappointing that they didn’t take the effort to share this space with us. It might seem small at first, but it highlights a deeper bias: curls can be celebrated, just not ours.
Being excluded from this category means Black women with type 4 hair are forced to search for themselves in content that wasn’t made for them. Meanwhile, Pinterest worked with Brooklyn-based Haitian-American hairstylist Naeemah Lafond to update its search engine categories back in 2021, creating a more inclusive space for women with all hair types. So it’s not like TikTok didn’t have a positive example to follow.
search engine via pinterest
It’s hard not to take this personally, if not as an attack on our self-esteem, then definitely on our wallets. The Black hair and beauty industry was worth roughly 9.2 billion dollars in 2024 and is projected to reach about 31.6 billion in the next decade. The global market for relaxers alone was valued at over 750 million USD for 2025. So when I say billions are made off the idea that our natural hair isn’t “professional” or “manageable,” I’m not exaggerating.
We’re taught to believe these things while hot tools, relaxers, wigs, and extensions are pushed as “solutions.”
But is type 4 hair actually hard to manage, or is it hard to change it into something it was never meant to be?
Women of all races experience hair struggles and might feel their hair is hard to manage, yet they’re not excluded or policed the way we are. Serious question: has anyone ever been told their hair isn’t coily enough or that they’re not blonde enough? The blonding industry alone is valued at roughly 8.3 billion USD for 2025, and women spend hours in salons multiple times a year to achieve their desired shade. Yet they’re rarely accused of self-hate. So why are we?
Calling the way Black women view their hair “self-hate” is wild when, historically, we’ve simply been over-policed. In 1786, the Tignon Law in Louisiana forced free Black women to cover their hair to curb their elegance and prevent them from competing with the white social order. They literally made it illegal for us to show our natural hairstyles.
And only in the last decade have we started to see laws push back against this kind of discrimination. The CROWN Act, signed in California in 2019, prohibits race-based hair discrimination in workplaces and schools. Many states and cities have followed suit, but a federal version of the bill still struggles to pass through Congress.
This isn’t a self-hate issue. It’s just another example of society trying to put us in a box and gaslight us. Not buying it.
Don’t get me wrong, I love a wig or silk press just as much as the next girl. But that doesn’t mean I don’t love my natural hair. The two can coexist. It’s called duality. When Black women experience self-esteem issues tied to their hair, they’re often met with ridicule instead of compassion and space to grow.
If you want us to hate ourselves, just say that. But instead of making room for us to embrace who we are, you’d rather gaslight and deflect. Big loser behaviour, if you ask me.
